Crucible Connections - Lord Dandlemort

Crucible Connections is an ongoing series featuring real conversations shared over work e-mail...

My secret identity is exposed:

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From: Bobby Fair Housing
To: M-Town Mikey; Daniel Morris
Subject: My Scar

So, I have realized a few parallels in my life to Harry Potter’s life. First I have a big nasty scar, albeit mine is on my shoulder and is from surgery not magic, but none the less I have a scar. My scar sometimes itches and sometimes it even hurts, Harry's scar did the same thing. Mine tingles or even becomes painful when Dan is around. Harry's became itchy when Voldermort was accessing his thoughts or when Voldermort was in pain, agony, grief, etc. I think that this parallel is enough evidence to say that Dan may have made me a horcrux when I had my surgery, I am not sure how he did it but he did. Also, I may have to question whether or not we should call Dan “Dandlemort” or just stick with “Dan”? So, Dan I have some questions but I can't ask you via the phone or in person for fear of my scar hurting.

-Bobby Fair Housing

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From: Dan Morris
To: M-Town Mikey; Bobby Fair Housing
Subject: RE: My Scar

1) Call me Dandlemort
2) I killed your anesthesiologist, performed your surgery, and turned you into a horcrux.
3) I like cheese.

________________________________________
From: Bobby Fair Housing
To: Daniel Morris; M-Town Mikey
Subject: RE: My Scar

So from now on, I shall call you Dandlemort.
When did you learn to do surgery?
I also like cheese, especially Gorgonzola and Havarti.

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From: Dan Morris
To: M-Town Mikey; Bobby Fair Housing
Subject: RE: My Scar

I never learned to do surgery; I just know how, for I am Lord Dandlemort. By the way, I should probably tell you, when I did your surgery, I just kinda cut your shoulder open, jiggled some stuff around to make it look like something was different, and sewed it back up. For all my talk about “for I am Lord Dandlemort,” I’m not a surgeon, dude. So, like, you might actually want to go back to your doctor at some point and ask him to take a few x-rays or something. I mean, your shoulder probably isn’t right. Like, probably definitely. I spilled a little of my beer in there, and I didn’t wear gloves or anything. And, not that I really remember all that clearly because I was kinda buzzed, but I think I stuffed a bunch of polyfill into you. But I did spray a bunch of Fabulous Blaster on the joint to, like, get it all clean and lubed. I did do that.

Boy, um, this is just kinda getting worse and worse, isn’t it?

Hey, nuts to this. I am Lord Dandlemort! I make no apologies or excuses! Fear me and the tingle I bring to your scar!

Like, Rock On and stuff.

-Dan

________________________________________
From: Bobby Fair Housing
To: M-Town Mikey; Daniel Morris
Subject: RE: My Scar

You should have put some Great Stuff in there, that stuff works well.
-Bobby Fair Housing