Seven Minute Haiku

How many haiku can I write in seven minutes?

face punching badass
I am not so much, but then,
really, few men are

I'm sorry I'm fat
it's just kind of my hobby
Twinkies are tasty

I just read a book
About Abraham Lincoln
I am such a nerd

In college, I lacked
direction and good purpose
Really, I still do

Seven minutes speeds
quickly by on the timer
I could be working...

Baseball on TV
reminds me to do laundry
both take a long time

One more short minute
and my haiku writing
will gladly be done.

Well, that was great.

Seven Minute Blog: Cheerios

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I am painfully aware of how much the world has changed since my childhood every time I go grocery shopping and see that there are 10 different styles of Cheerios as opposed to just one.

I want to believe this is progress, but deep down inside, it just makes me more prone to believe I'll end up soothing my once glimmering, freedom-loving soul with bromides from Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck tricking me into believing that My Country was once a more wholesome and righteous land, but has been utterly corrupted by the French and liberals and youth, miserably drinking myself to death with expensive bourbons and whiskies, sitting in a leather chair in a darkened parlor beneath a gun rack and a Don't Tread on Me flag.

But I'll be old and near death, and it'll be OK that my ideals and love for John Stewart and cultural acceptance have been long-since abandoned. And Cheerios will no longer cause me existential crises.