A Message From Sarah Palin

The following is a satirical, fictional letter not actually written by Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

Dear American Voter,

My name is Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska and candidate for Vice President of this grand and honorable land I Like to call America. I’m writing this letter to you as an opportunity for you to get to know me and what I stand for. Some might say I’m a maverick because I want to break through “the issues” and let you, Joe Six Pack and Jane Hockeymom, find out about me as a person, not a politician. You might notice as you read that several words are hyperlinked (I had to look that up, too *wink*), and I encourage you to click on them, because the internets never lie.

This land—America—is just the bee’s knees. I’d say “The United States of America,” but that wouldn’t give credit to Mexico and Canada, which really are like states 51 and 52. Anywho, If there’s one thing I support and know about, it’s patriotic energy self-sufficiency. In fact, I’ve been working with our Canadian neighbors to build The Pipeline of Patriotism, bringing some of that Alaska Downhome American Heartland vibe right through the pristine Yukon and British Columbian wilderness. I’m sure if there’s one thing those Canadians could use, it’s a good healthy dose of that can-do American attitude. Since the time of our Founding Fathers, this great land of ours has followed a righteous path, and I certainly won’t stand in the way of our destiny.

What is that destiny? Well, We’re the hardest working people in the world, as I’m sure you and Jane can attest to (*wink*)! And to take care of you guys, the fine workers of this country, John McCain and I are going to lower taxes to stimulate job growth. How does lowering taxes stimulate jobs? It just does, silly! What I love about my core—Americans—Joe Six Pack and Jane Hockeymom—is that they don’t ask questions.

I think there’s probably a whole other continent called America…but that’s not the America I’m talking about.

Well, ta-ta for now. Can’t wait to chat again—from the Oval Office!

Yours truly,
-Sarah Palin
Not really. Again: satirical, fictional, not actually written by Sarah Palin.

Laziness

I feel horrible that I haven't written anything here in over a month. Also, I feel horrible that I haven't drawn a new Benny since freakin' May.

I'm just sooooooo lazy.