Resolute

Imagine that I'm singing this list of resolutions as I play a tune on a lute. It would be my Reso-lute.

In 2010, I'll chase these things:

1) Sell my house
2) "Make it" in comedy
3) Stop being awkward
4) Work the phrase "n'est plus ultra" into 70% of my conversations.
5) Swim to Tahiti
6) Shake a baby
7) Hunt, kill and eat a Pygmy
8) Intro every set I do with, "Hello, Ft. Lauderdale!"
9) Move somewhere else, Like Montreal or Swaziland
10) Drink the chicken juice
11) Starve a giraffe
12) Instigate the official Third Defenestration of Prague
13) Instill a healthy triskaidekaphobia in anyone named "Big Glasses Matt"
14) Get a tattoo of the back of my head on my face
15) Whenever someone introduces themselves to me, say, "Huh...you look like more of a Susan."
16) ...stop being awkward...
17) Sing "Moon River" whenever I'm at a urinal
18) Spend three weeks in the Lincoln bedroom before anyone notices I'm there
19) Teach an entire generation to say "spigot" instead of "velveteen"
20) something something something smoke pot something something
21) Fraudulently practice contract law
22) Learn to snore more loudly
23) Split all of my infinitives
24) Design an engine powered by spite
25) Grow a sixth toe on my left foot
26) Discuss my sweat glands with complete strangers
27) Wear ugly sweaters
28) Make obscure and esoteric references in a very general way
29) Introduce myself with an inappropriate level of intimacy
30) Perform the sign of the cross after shaking hands
31) STOP BEING AWKWARD
32) Say "Rock 'n Roll!" instead of "goodbye"
33) Clip only ever other fingernail
34) Turn "persimmon" into a verb
35) Name a cat "Lloyd"
36) Fight for pickle suffrage
37) Fire my underpants for insubordination
38) Drink a daily tonic of apple cider vinegar and tapioca
39) Apply for Micronesian citizenship
40) Claim my collected bowel movements as dependents on my tax return
41) Ask everyone who crosses within three yards of me, "May I have this dance?"
42) Screw it. Go ahead and be awkward.