I am the 9.1%: Unemployed but Focused

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It took less than one week for me to get a job interview. That gave me a head of steam to push through and keep applying for jobs. After that first interview, though, it became a lesson in focused job hunting. CareerBuilder has a tool called "QuickApply" that allows users to submit the same resume to dozens of jobs at the same time. As soon as I got home after losing my job, I sat down in front of my computer and applied to every single position that had the word "marketing" in it. For someone in a freshly fired mindset, this tactic makes a lot of sense: cast a wide net, catch everything you possibly can. Unfortunately, the end result is wasted time and effort. 

After applying to, according to my CareerBuilder account, 46 jobs, I closed the laptop and started making a few phone calls, tapping into my network to see if I could find any leads that way. Within fifteen minutes, I found out that (shocker!) the job market is tight and none of my contacts had much to offer. But those 46 job applications were hard at work, and by the following Monday, I'd lined up three phone interviews and an in-person interview. Unfortunately, I didn't have the first clue about any of the positions because I'd used that stupid QuickApply tool, and couldn't quickly or easily track down each job to get the description, and so fumbled my way through the interviews.

The in-person interview was an ordeal to say the least. It was for a position with an equipment manufacturing company. While I have plenty of marketing experience, I have virtually no exposure to that business sector. I'd taken some time to research the company, their products and their industry prior to the interview, but there's only so much that can be learned in a day. Couple that with my interviewer, who was a Russian engineer with the dead-eyed stare and humorless manner of Vladimir Putin, and I was walking a tightrope for an hour and a half. At the end, I left knowing the job wasn't right for me, nor was I the right person for the job, and Vlad the Impaler had no interest in hiring me (evidenced clearly by his declaration that I'm "lazy or stupid" for not having a master's degree).

What we have here is a lesson in efficiency. Casting a wide net did indeed get me interviews, and very quickly in times of such high unemployment. But it didn't get me a job, and the interviews I did get were for jobs that I would've most likely hated and performed poorly at. And that translates into wasted time and effort. It's a classic case of taking the path of least resistance, making the easy choice for the quick fix, and a repetition of the behavior that's delivered me to my current status. I spent fifteen minutes applying to 46 jobs, which landed me four interview opportunities. That sounds impressive for fifteen minutes of effort, until you consider that I also ended up interviewing for upwards of four hours, spent two hours driving and used gas, only to find out that none of the jobs made sense for me. I'd've been better off spending that time and energy focusing my job search with pinpoint keywords, diligently reading job descriptions, and applying to the ten that sounded like a good match to my skills and goals. Heck, it's not just a matter of the time and resources squandered now, it's also the months or years put into another job leading in the wrong direction if I were to get and accept a job offer. 

Since that first week, I've worked much harder at narrowing down the jobs that are a good fit, and crafting my resume and cover letters for those positions. All of my effort has been focused on quality vs. quantity, and the results have been good. I've maintained a steady stream of interviews (at least one in-person interview a week), and only for jobs in which I'm genuinely interested and qualified to do. I'm concerned that this method may take more time to actually land a job, but that's tempered by the thought of derailing myself again by chasing down any job whether it's right or not. I should also mention that I'm not just searching for office and marketing jobs; I'm searching for less conventional jobs that I might also find rewarding. Community service positions, crew jobs, things I've always thought I should experience but have been too intimidated to investigate.

During that first week, I also took the initiative to meet with a career counselor at my local job center as a method of evaluating my career path, and developing some goals. Everyone should do this, if it's an option. For me, it was an opportunity for the obvious to slap me across the face, and sometimes people need that. It also opened my eyes to several resources I otherwise wouldn't have found. Something that's particularly interesting is O*NET Online. It's an incredibly interesting site with a wealth of information about careers, education, and guidance in goal setting. If you're even remotely quizzical about your career path, spend at least an hour on that site. It's well worth it.

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I am the 9.1%: Perspectives from The Event Horizon

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In a flagrant disregard for local traffic laws, the first thing I did from my car as I drove home from my last day at the office was call my girlfriend. Not to vent, not be emotional, but to set up a routine of taking her son to school every morning. At that moment, I had to build a routine for myself; my impulse defense against sinking into quicksand.

Up to this point, I believe that simple and immediate action was the best possible response I could've had to the situation, and I'm glad it's the first thing that occurred to me. That one daily function has become a single point of reference that's kept me on task with the rest of my duties. My point of reference could've been anything else--the rapid countdown of my meager savings being spent on survival, the approaching end of health benefits, the impending rapture (rimshot!)--but somehow my brain settled in on something constructive in the face of fears. For me, that's a major triumph, because I've spent most of my life as a slave to fear.

As a high schooler, I was too afraid to do much of anything. For all four years, I was too afraid to get in trouble or suffer consequences to have any fun at all. In college, I had some glorious moments of disobedience, but honestly just repeated high school by consistently taking the path of least resistance, avoiding risk, and accomplishing very little. That fear followed me through most of my professional life. Every job I've had as an adult has been 100% more about paying the bills than any kind of satisfaction from the work. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed my jobs--I have. But I've never yet done a job that fully engaged me, that was really a good fit, because I've always had this perverse fixation on the practical.

Despite several examples amongst my friends and family of people who manage to synthesize their passions into a profession, the model in my head of practicality dictated that it's not possible. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the notion that you can be anything you choose to be, provided it fits into the corporate mold. If you want to be a writer, go into public relations or marketing, for example. Following a dream purely for the sake of the dream is vanity and folly. It's so much easier, so much less risky, to mold yourself to an existing job.

Getting fired is the kind of thing that throws that perspective into harsh relief, as that reality warps around the event horizon of a career black hole. Suddenly, the flaws in this line of thinking become quite obvious. Chasing down a paycheck, forcing my square peg into a round hole, is exposed as fraud. Eventually, doing the wrong job, suppressing career desires and goals, and ignoring what's important on a visceral level catches up. Instead of waking up and saying, "Another day of this shit," it becomes, "Another thirty years of this shit," and soon enough that's no longer an option. Maybe you get fired, maybe you have a nervous breakdown. Whatever the case, your momentum is impeded.

At that point, it's time to evaluate things. That's what I've spent a lot of energy on. Why am I here now? Is it because the economy sucks, employers treat people poorly, and shit happens? Or is it because I was in the wrong job, doing the wrong work for the wrong people, with the wrong perspective on how to have a career? By completely disregarding my dreams and passions, did I set a timer on my career self-destruct mechanism? One thing is certain: I'm not being steered by fear at the moment. Once the bottom falls out, you can't afford to be afraid, risks and consequences be damned.

One of my friends, Mary Tyler Mom, (read her blog, it's outstanding, touching, human, tragic and triumphant) has a mantra that I've been using. It might seem simple or mawkish, but it makes a difference. It keeps me positive, and steers me toward productivity: Choose Hope. It's a simple reminder that my mindset is up to me. I can decide to see the harsh realities of the world I live in, or I can decide to see the potential to move forward and improve that world.

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I am the 9.1%: The Beginning

(Image Borrowed from www.thefrugalhome.com)

This Friday will mark week four of my unemployment. It will also be week four of active job searching and zero hours of paid work. This is significant in that it means I am officially contributing to the figure of national unemployment. I am the 9.1%.

I've never really lost a job before this. I got laid off from a temp job once, but that's not really the same; it was temporary in the first place, so I was expecting it to end. Interestingly, I've been fairly numb through this point. Maybe it's the fact that throughout the course of my professional life (the past decade), exploring the job market has been a cruel, cutthroat, harsh journey with no finite destination, so the idea that I'm fundamentally a commodity to be purchased or liquidated by my employer isn't foreign to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I fully expected the day to come when I was suddenly jobless, because it's just the way of the world anymore.

I say I've been numb to it, because overall that's been my average state of being when examining the situation. Sure, I've gone through the requisite stages of anger, frustration, terror, sadness, denial, malaise, but the overwhelming majority of my time has been spent prioritizing and compartmentalizing my life. I schedule each day into blocks of productivity. Wake up at quarter to seven, take my girlfriend's son to school. Two hours job hunting. Four hours painting my living room. One hour tending to household repairs neglected over the past seven years. Visit career counselor. One more hour job hunting. Read news. Read book. Repeat in no particular order daily, speckling in other duties as assigned. Not really too different from having a job.

Staying busy this way has kept me from slipping into my standard mode of obsessive and ultimately destructive analysis. Typically, when confronted with an unacceptable life situation, I review the situation time and time again in my thoughts, examining it from every angle, looking for a solution. Universally, the result is that I waste months or even years probing the situation, but not moving forward in any productive sort of solution. Eventually, a convenient escape will present itself and I'll pursue it whether or not it's an improvement.

That's exactly what led me to my current situation. My previous job had gotten stale in certain ways that were no longer acceptable to me. Professional advancement within the organization kept coming at the expense of my career goals. The system was pigeonholing me in a direction I was loathe to go, on top of a daily commute in excess of four hours total. I gradually became blind to the upsides of my position and overwhelmed by the drawbacks. For the year and a half prior to leaving, I spent 100% more time looking for a way out than I did on improving the job. Then one day in May, I found another job much closer to home, but doing the exact same kind of work I no longer wanted to do. And then in September, I got fired.

Was I ineffective and sloppy in my work? Did I choose a position I wasn't well suited to? Or was the position misrepresented to me during the interview process? For that matter, were my new employers incapable of communicating expectations or giving even the slightest ounce of direction? Perhaps in my new position I was working for a group of terminally disorganized people. To some degree, the response to each of these is, "yes." The one real, honest gripe I have is that there wasn't a single conversation about fixing whatever the issues may have been. Instead, I was given four and a half months with no feedback whatsoever and then I was let go.

Actually, it's completely inaccurate to say I only had one real, honest gripe. I was hired as a project manager. The most complicated project I was assigned during my four months was a power point presentation. Which I did without the slightest bit of verve, style or detail, but with plenty of kwality (yes, with a k). Because I have a bad attitude that if you assign me piddlyshits, I will return piddlyshits to you. I'm working on that attitude, for the record.

Interestingly enough, my unemployment and the Occupy Wall Street phenomenon have been virtually concurrent, and I've been following along. What I find most interesting is the way that people who are against these protestors are completely occupied by them. On Facebook, on Twitter, even Google+, every third item is some incredibly inflamed rant against them. Occupy Wall Street seems to have been far more successful as "Occupy Conservative Armchair Pundits." And of course, that's one of the goals of a social movement: get other people to talk about you. In that regard, bravo Occupy Wall Street. Now try to stop spitting on people and dropping deuces on police cars...it's not helping. Rise above, then rise against. That's how you get people like me to support you. I'll come right out and say it, too, that I'm pretty much in agreement with everything the Occupiers are angry about.

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Seven Minute Haiku

How many haiku can I write in seven minutes?

face punching badass
I am not so much, but then,
really, few men are

I'm sorry I'm fat
it's just kind of my hobby
Twinkies are tasty

I just read a book
About Abraham Lincoln
I am such a nerd

In college, I lacked
direction and good purpose
Really, I still do

Seven minutes speeds
quickly by on the timer
I could be working...

Baseball on TV
reminds me to do laundry
both take a long time

One more short minute
and my haiku writing
will gladly be done.

Well, that was great.

Seven Minute Blog: Cheerios

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I am painfully aware of how much the world has changed since my childhood every time I go grocery shopping and see that there are 10 different styles of Cheerios as opposed to just one.

I want to believe this is progress, but deep down inside, it just makes me more prone to believe I'll end up soothing my once glimmering, freedom-loving soul with bromides from Ann Coulter and Glenn Beck tricking me into believing that My Country was once a more wholesome and righteous land, but has been utterly corrupted by the French and liberals and youth, miserably drinking myself to death with expensive bourbons and whiskies, sitting in a leather chair in a darkened parlor beneath a gun rack and a Don't Tread on Me flag.

But I'll be old and near death, and it'll be OK that my ideals and love for John Stewart and cultural acceptance have been long-since abandoned. And Cheerios will no longer cause me existential crises.

Seven Minute Blog: Movies that make me emotional

I have seven minutes to write a blog, and what you're going to get is a list of movies that make me emotional. It's not a top five or top ten, because I don't have the kind of time I'd need to prioritize. So here are the ones that occur to me right now:

• Once
  This movie is stark, raving humanity. Two people broken down by life happening to them, struggling to find a way in general life. There's romantic tension between the two leads, who don't even have names in the film, but as the tension between the two of them builds to a head, you discover that the tension is actually not between the two of them, but between them and their lost loves in the past. Also, it's a non-conventional musical, and the music is outstanding.
  
  
• The Graduate
  I just really identified with Ben Braddock when I was in my early twenties. And Anne Bancroft planted the seed of America's current cougar obsession.
  
  
• My Neighbor Totoro
  Miyazaki has this ability to synthesize complex social commentary and existentialist angst
  into stunning fanatasies that mesmerize.

All right, my time is up. I've actually written for ten minutes instead of seven, so I broke my own rule.

Resolute

Imagine that I'm singing this list of resolutions as I play a tune on a lute. It would be my Reso-lute.

In 2010, I'll chase these things:

1) Sell my house
2) "Make it" in comedy
3) Stop being awkward
4) Work the phrase "n'est plus ultra" into 70% of my conversations.
5) Swim to Tahiti
6) Shake a baby
7) Hunt, kill and eat a Pygmy
8) Intro every set I do with, "Hello, Ft. Lauderdale!"
9) Move somewhere else, Like Montreal or Swaziland
10) Drink the chicken juice
11) Starve a giraffe
12) Instigate the official Third Defenestration of Prague
13) Instill a healthy triskaidekaphobia in anyone named "Big Glasses Matt"
14) Get a tattoo of the back of my head on my face
15) Whenever someone introduces themselves to me, say, "Huh...you look like more of a Susan."
16) ...stop being awkward...
17) Sing "Moon River" whenever I'm at a urinal
18) Spend three weeks in the Lincoln bedroom before anyone notices I'm there
19) Teach an entire generation to say "spigot" instead of "velveteen"
20) something something something smoke pot something something
21) Fraudulently practice contract law
22) Learn to snore more loudly
23) Split all of my infinitives
24) Design an engine powered by spite
25) Grow a sixth toe on my left foot
26) Discuss my sweat glands with complete strangers
27) Wear ugly sweaters
28) Make obscure and esoteric references in a very general way
29) Introduce myself with an inappropriate level of intimacy
30) Perform the sign of the cross after shaking hands
31) STOP BEING AWKWARD
32) Say "Rock 'n Roll!" instead of "goodbye"
33) Clip only ever other fingernail
34) Turn "persimmon" into a verb
35) Name a cat "Lloyd"
36) Fight for pickle suffrage
37) Fire my underpants for insubordination
38) Drink a daily tonic of apple cider vinegar and tapioca
39) Apply for Micronesian citizenship
40) Claim my collected bowel movements as dependents on my tax return
41) Ask everyone who crosses within three yards of me, "May I have this dance?"
42) Screw it. Go ahead and be awkward.

The Old Man Chronicles

Today, I decided I wanted to have a bagel with lox and cream cheese for breakfast. I stopped at Jaffa Bagel, which is conveniently located in the lobby of my office building.

Aside from the fact that I ordered a bagel with lox and cream cheese, the events that transpired between order and payment made me feel old. It was kind of ridiculous actually. I'll deliver this in script format:

Me: I'd like a sesame bagel with lox, tomato, onion and cream cheese.
Bagel Lady: Toasted?
Me: Yes, please.
Bagel Lady: OK.

Bagel Lady selects a sesame bagel, slices it, puts it in the toaster, then takes the next order. While she's helping the next customer, my bagel finishes toasting, and Bagel Manager picks it up.

Bagel Manager: Who had the sesame?
Me: I did.
Bagel Manager: What would you like on it?
Me: Lox, tomato, onion and cream cheese.

Bagel Manager hands the bagel back to Bagel Lady and tells her my order. She puts some lox on the bagel, then She looks at me and says:

Bagel Lady: You want tomatoes and onion?
Me:(blinks twice) Yes, please.
Bagel Lady: Cream cheese?
Me:(blinks twice more) Um...yes.
Bagel Lady: OK.

Bagel Lady builds the sandwich, wraps it, puts it in a bag, hands to the cashier. I walk to the cashier.

Cashier: What do you have?
Me: Sesame bagel with lox, tomato, onion and cream cheese.
Cashier: With cream cheese?
Me: (glances to both sides to see if perhaps there are three of me) Yes!
Cashier: So a bagel with lox and cream cheese or a lox sandwich?
Me: Is there a difference?
Cashier: Did you have tomato and onion on it?
Me: (searches around to see if there's a rewind button for the conversation) Yep. I did.

The Cashier rings up the sale, and as I'm walking away, I hear the next person in line order a blueberry bagel with plain cream cheese. Bagel Lady proceeds to ask her if she wants cream cheese on it.

Does this seem like a ridiculous experience to anyone else? Because it did to me. And then I felt old because it felt so ridiculous.

Exhaust

There is no sanctity of the self anymore. We've created a culture of mass produced, manufactured individuality. Even our counter-culture idols stand up and scream at the top of their lungs, "Be like me! Think like me! Behave like me!"

I don't even feel like ranting about it anymore. I've got no faith that anyone sees the fallacy, or that I'm correct for feeling and seeing the world this way. I'll just make it my Holiday Wish this season that everyone can stop pretending that they're not drones following whatever popular trends arise. It's fine to adhere to popular gestalt; we are, after all, products of the time in which we exist. We consume the pabulum we are fed, and everything we are fed is pabulum. Whether it's Chef Boyardee, DIY Punk, Paste Magazine, the latest Scholastic Books release, or whichever underground indie flick is wowing audiences across the nation, we're not really much more than the exhaust of the consumer culture engine.

I'm just going to quote some of my favorite pabulum, because I'm part of the problem:

We owe so much money, we're not broke we're broken.
We're so poor we can't even pay attention.

So what do you want?
You want to be famous and rich and happy,
But you're terrified you have nothing to offer this world;
Nothing to say and no way to say it.
But you can say it in three languages.

You are more than the sum of what you consume!
Desire is not an occupation.

-KMFDM. Dogma, XTORT. WaxTrax/TVT Records, 1996.

What am I even talking about? I need a milkshake.

Crucible Connections: On The Road explained.

This is why my friend M Town Mikey grounds me. He can put my words in order when I get so frustrated with something that I can't spit anything out.

------------------------------------------
From: Daniel Morris
To: M-Town Mikey
Subject: RE: Just for you

On the Road made so mad. MAKES me so mad. What is it about that book that was so special? What the heck? Why do so many people live in awe of it and Kerouac? There’s nothing in there! Nothing! Neal Cassady sweats a lot, they're all assholes, and then it ends. Pointless, meaningless, insubstantial claptrap. A vapid, sanctimonious exploration of pure and loathsome nihilism.

What did I miss? Seriously, what did I miss that’s so substantial that Kerouac is taught as the savior of American literature?

-Dan

------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: M-Town Mikey
To: Daniel Morris
Subject: RE: Just for you

I don't know that it's accurate to say that Kerouac is taught as the savior of American literature. The only people I've known who really LOVE Kerouac are unrealistic. It's not fair nor accurate to call them naive or innocent, but I have always regarded them as... magical thinkers, I guess.

I have never taken a Kerouac course. However, I could totally see such a course going like this:

Professor: Welcome to Kerouac and On the Road. In this class we'll discuss how two world wars and the resulting military-industrial complex so traumatized our nation that people came to believe that this piece of shit On the Road represents...something.

Student: You mean it isn't any good?

Professor: Just read, okay?

Student reads the book.

Student: Wow...

Professor: I know, right? It's a total piece of shit.

-M-Town Mikey