I am the 9.1%: Goals, Achievement and Clarity

Borrowed from teensports.webs.com/

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Goal setting has been a perpetual problem for me. That grasp of the long term has always eluded me. Sure, I've been more than capable of deciding on a very general goal and chasing after it, but it dawns on me now that a more organized and directed approach could serve better. More thought up front probably makes for more desirable results.

When I went to college, I never set any goals for my education. The most clear desire was to enjoy my time and get a generic diploma. It was all very abstract to me, trying to choose the rest of my life based on a few hours of coursework and an office visit with an advisor. During my four years, I never put much thought to the future and lived day to day. Eventually, I settled on a major that allowed me to take the classes I found most interesting in a very general way: public relations. The program consisted of lots of writing, which interested me, as well as emerging digital media. Instead of specializing in a specific area, I chose a broad-based education that exposed me to many different things and played to my strengths while accommodating my weaknesses.

After graduating, it didn't take long for me to realize that employers want that specialization. They want to see some kind of expertise in a specific area; work experience will eventually flesh out the generalized industry exposure. In effect, I'd gone about my college education in a very backward way, and walked out with a fancy piece of paper, but little effective preparation for the professional world. I hadn't taken the time to really explore career options and investigate the future. Instead, I spent the entire time thinking only of the assignments of the week, at best planning out through the end of the semester, never stopping to evaluate the work I was doing and the path I traveled.

To be honest, this is perhaps my greatest regret. College is such an important opportunity to find and follow a passion, and I blindly followed the first advice I was given by my academic advisor. To this day, I'm plagued by my willingness to hand over my future to the decisions of a third party. I learned many valuable things at college, and I was enriched by the experience, but I blew the real opportunity to sink my teeth into something unique.

My only goal following graduation was to find a job in public relations. Sadly, I didn't have the first clue as to what that meant, again, because I didn't take the time to grasp the big picture of the industry during my education. I'm sure this showed in every job interview, because I didn't get a single job offer. Eventually, I worked a string of data entry temp jobs and retail positions and developed a massive, crippling chip on my shoulder, and had the equivalent of a nervous breakdown at 24.

Seven years ago, I set a goal to use my college degree professionally. Up to that point, I hadn't worked a single day in my degreed field. I had, successfully I might add, established myself in ice rink management, but an alarm started going off inside my mind. It would blare through my thoughts, "You spent lots of money on a degree! Use it! USE IT!" Eventually, my ability to enjoy the rink work completely faltered because I couldn't shake that thought for even a second daily. So, just like now, I began compartmentalizing my days into blocks of time. Outside of work, everything I did was designed to advance towards the goal. And after a year of steady effort, I landed a job on the periphery of public relations: marketing and publishing.

That's the point at which I failed in follow-through. I'd taken a step towards the goal, but misidentified that step as goal achievement. Even though that job was at best a launch pad in the right direction, I convinced myself it was the destination. When I'd worked in that position long enough, I padded my resume with that experience and found another marketing position, ignoring the original goal completely. The farther I traveled away from that goal, the more obscure it became, until it no longer existed.

Reflections on who I've been, where I've gone, what I've done, and where I am now not only show how important the journey has been to my development in relation to the goal itself, but also demonstrate the powerful drain of feckless decisions. Recognizing this now is yet more motivation for me to stay on task in a long term fashion. Develop a career goal, write it down, and keep it prominently front of mind. Do all the requisite research to be sure it's the correct goal, and allow for zero distraction or alteration. Make the goal as grand, unrealistic and specific as possible. What better way to drive decisions in a way that emphasizes the importance of the journey? What better way to commit now to consistent progress?

I am the 9.1%: Support Systems and Behavior

Borrowed from jschae.blogspot.com

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I've talked about how first thing after losing my job, I arranged to be the official school courier for my girlfriend's son. That established more than a routine; whether I was aware or not, I had taken the first step in tapping my support system.

If I'd been asked what my support system looked like before I got fired, I wouldn't have known what to say. Typically, I tend to bear my problems internally, and then act out aggressively towards the people in my life--my girlfriend can tell you how successful a recipe for personal satisfaction that is. 

For whatever reason, my reaction in this situation was different. Very straightforward, purely honest, reaching out to those closest to me for support. As if I was weaving a spider web, I called my girlfriend, then my two best friends, then my family, and so on. I didn't broadcast my situation, at least not at first (I didn't start blogging this until a month into it), but I made a point to reach out to the people who've consistently demonstrated their loyalty to me and dedication to our relationship. Without fail, every single person in that grouping gave me what I needed at the time: a shoulder, a voice, an ear or a laugh. The value of such quality people in my life has been immeasurable, and has contributed in no small part to my ability to stay positive and productive.

There's been so much about this experience that's been completely different than any other personal catastrophe I've endured, not least of which has been my atypical response to every moment of it. High-strung would be an accurate description throughout my life. Tightly-wound and short-fused might also apply. I implore any people close to me to go ahead and share their thoughts in the comments. This time, though, none of my responses have fallen in line with my habits of internalization, hyper-criticality, and overreaction. Something's kept me reasoned and measured. Maybe I've grown up, maybe I've learned that time and time again, the only way to make a bad situation worse is to allow immediate emotions to dictate actions. Or, for that matter, I've been reminded of the inherent good in the people I've chosen to surround myself with and that's kept me in check.

The thought did cross my mind to send elaborate floral arrangements to several of my former coworkers with some variation on the theme, "Fuck you! Sideways! With ridiculously large and pointed objects!" spelled out clearly and lit with sparklers. Fortunately, I was able to decide this was neither prudent nor wise with the help of my support network. 

Seriously, though, in the past I've made some spectacularly poor decisions in the heat of reaction. For instance, there was the way I left the first ice rink I managed. After four years, the general manager had different designs on the future of the business that conflicted with my ideas, and after several months of increasing tension, I walked in, delivered a letter of resignation blasting him and his treatment of me and the other employees, his "myopic vision," and "characterless comportment," and also distributed copies to the ownership and the rest of the management staff. On the one hand, I burned every bridge I'd built there, on the other I got to walk away feeling proud of my ten dollar words with a misguided sense of vindication. It's taken me nearly eight years to figure out the folly of what I'd done. Not only did I put my livelihood in danger (luckily, I began working at a different rink immediately), I also branded myself a maniac with my only professional contacts at the time. 

I carried my grudge against that manager for years, until very recently. It took a lot of soul searching to figure out that frankly, I was the douchebag in the scenario. Not because I had conflict with my manager, but because I didn't bother to address him professionally or appropriately throughout the months of conflict. The entire time, I stood fast to a position of I'm-right-you're-wrong, and dedicated myself to "winning." Eventually, it was solely my emotions doing the driving, and of course, they led me down the wrong path. 

Now, I don't want this misunderstood: everyone should have principles, and they should stand by them. I was right in having my vision for the business, but I was wrong in not being open to other visions, especially considering I wasn't the only person making decisions. Furthermore, it's OK to leave a job for the equivalent of irreconcilable differences. If you can't get behind what your company is doing or how your manager chooses to operate, voice your concerns professionally and exit gracefully. But don't make a huge, noxious ass of yourself in the process. It benefits no one; not you, not your manager, not the company, and the damage lasts longer than suspected. 

Righteous indignation is only one trap. Apathy is another. Quietly accepting unacceptable situations is poison. For years, I've done that, and the end result is where I'm sitting today: uncertain and unemployed. The most damage done to my mindset in the office came at the result of not being assertive enough about my career direction, and allowing the simpering condescension of coworkers to invade my mental state. It's up to me to stand up for myself, and I intend to do so more effectively from now on. Offices tend to be stocked with "type A" personalities. Something to remember: "A" is for "asshole." Anyone who proudly refers to themselves as a "type A," and insists on offering unsolicited advice and nonconstructive criticism suffers from a horrific disease that is best treated with avoidance and dismissive responses.

Why am I carrying on about my ridiculous professional failures in the past? Because the most important cog in your support system is you. Using all your experiences, mistakes, triumphs and everything in between, it's up to you to figure out appropriate responses and reactions, and the right steps to continue in a beneficial direction. A great quote to help get through those days when the office dogma is stifling and the people around you are sapping your will to go on:

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” — William Gibson

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I am the 9.1%: Unemployed but Focused

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It took less than one week for me to get a job interview. That gave me a head of steam to push through and keep applying for jobs. After that first interview, though, it became a lesson in focused job hunting. CareerBuilder has a tool called "QuickApply" that allows users to submit the same resume to dozens of jobs at the same time. As soon as I got home after losing my job, I sat down in front of my computer and applied to every single position that had the word "marketing" in it. For someone in a freshly fired mindset, this tactic makes a lot of sense: cast a wide net, catch everything you possibly can. Unfortunately, the end result is wasted time and effort. 

After applying to, according to my CareerBuilder account, 46 jobs, I closed the laptop and started making a few phone calls, tapping into my network to see if I could find any leads that way. Within fifteen minutes, I found out that (shocker!) the job market is tight and none of my contacts had much to offer. But those 46 job applications were hard at work, and by the following Monday, I'd lined up three phone interviews and an in-person interview. Unfortunately, I didn't have the first clue about any of the positions because I'd used that stupid QuickApply tool, and couldn't quickly or easily track down each job to get the description, and so fumbled my way through the interviews.

The in-person interview was an ordeal to say the least. It was for a position with an equipment manufacturing company. While I have plenty of marketing experience, I have virtually no exposure to that business sector. I'd taken some time to research the company, their products and their industry prior to the interview, but there's only so much that can be learned in a day. Couple that with my interviewer, who was a Russian engineer with the dead-eyed stare and humorless manner of Vladimir Putin, and I was walking a tightrope for an hour and a half. At the end, I left knowing the job wasn't right for me, nor was I the right person for the job, and Vlad the Impaler had no interest in hiring me (evidenced clearly by his declaration that I'm "lazy or stupid" for not having a master's degree).

What we have here is a lesson in efficiency. Casting a wide net did indeed get me interviews, and very quickly in times of such high unemployment. But it didn't get me a job, and the interviews I did get were for jobs that I would've most likely hated and performed poorly at. And that translates into wasted time and effort. It's a classic case of taking the path of least resistance, making the easy choice for the quick fix, and a repetition of the behavior that's delivered me to my current status. I spent fifteen minutes applying to 46 jobs, which landed me four interview opportunities. That sounds impressive for fifteen minutes of effort, until you consider that I also ended up interviewing for upwards of four hours, spent two hours driving and used gas, only to find out that none of the jobs made sense for me. I'd've been better off spending that time and energy focusing my job search with pinpoint keywords, diligently reading job descriptions, and applying to the ten that sounded like a good match to my skills and goals. Heck, it's not just a matter of the time and resources squandered now, it's also the months or years put into another job leading in the wrong direction if I were to get and accept a job offer. 

Since that first week, I've worked much harder at narrowing down the jobs that are a good fit, and crafting my resume and cover letters for those positions. All of my effort has been focused on quality vs. quantity, and the results have been good. I've maintained a steady stream of interviews (at least one in-person interview a week), and only for jobs in which I'm genuinely interested and qualified to do. I'm concerned that this method may take more time to actually land a job, but that's tempered by the thought of derailing myself again by chasing down any job whether it's right or not. I should also mention that I'm not just searching for office and marketing jobs; I'm searching for less conventional jobs that I might also find rewarding. Community service positions, crew jobs, things I've always thought I should experience but have been too intimidated to investigate.

During that first week, I also took the initiative to meet with a career counselor at my local job center as a method of evaluating my career path, and developing some goals. Everyone should do this, if it's an option. For me, it was an opportunity for the obvious to slap me across the face, and sometimes people need that. It also opened my eyes to several resources I otherwise wouldn't have found. Something that's particularly interesting is O*NET Online. It's an incredibly interesting site with a wealth of information about careers, education, and guidance in goal setting. If you're even remotely quizzical about your career path, spend at least an hour on that site. It's well worth it.

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I am the 9.1%: Perspectives from The Event Horizon

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In a flagrant disregard for local traffic laws, the first thing I did from my car as I drove home from my last day at the office was call my girlfriend. Not to vent, not be emotional, but to set up a routine of taking her son to school every morning. At that moment, I had to build a routine for myself; my impulse defense against sinking into quicksand.

Up to this point, I believe that simple and immediate action was the best possible response I could've had to the situation, and I'm glad it's the first thing that occurred to me. That one daily function has become a single point of reference that's kept me on task with the rest of my duties. My point of reference could've been anything else--the rapid countdown of my meager savings being spent on survival, the approaching end of health benefits, the impending rapture (rimshot!)--but somehow my brain settled in on something constructive in the face of fears. For me, that's a major triumph, because I've spent most of my life as a slave to fear.

As a high schooler, I was too afraid to do much of anything. For all four years, I was too afraid to get in trouble or suffer consequences to have any fun at all. In college, I had some glorious moments of disobedience, but honestly just repeated high school by consistently taking the path of least resistance, avoiding risk, and accomplishing very little. That fear followed me through most of my professional life. Every job I've had as an adult has been 100% more about paying the bills than any kind of satisfaction from the work. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed my jobs--I have. But I've never yet done a job that fully engaged me, that was really a good fit, because I've always had this perverse fixation on the practical.

Despite several examples amongst my friends and family of people who manage to synthesize their passions into a profession, the model in my head of practicality dictated that it's not possible. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the notion that you can be anything you choose to be, provided it fits into the corporate mold. If you want to be a writer, go into public relations or marketing, for example. Following a dream purely for the sake of the dream is vanity and folly. It's so much easier, so much less risky, to mold yourself to an existing job.

Getting fired is the kind of thing that throws that perspective into harsh relief, as that reality warps around the event horizon of a career black hole. Suddenly, the flaws in this line of thinking become quite obvious. Chasing down a paycheck, forcing my square peg into a round hole, is exposed as fraud. Eventually, doing the wrong job, suppressing career desires and goals, and ignoring what's important on a visceral level catches up. Instead of waking up and saying, "Another day of this shit," it becomes, "Another thirty years of this shit," and soon enough that's no longer an option. Maybe you get fired, maybe you have a nervous breakdown. Whatever the case, your momentum is impeded.

At that point, it's time to evaluate things. That's what I've spent a lot of energy on. Why am I here now? Is it because the economy sucks, employers treat people poorly, and shit happens? Or is it because I was in the wrong job, doing the wrong work for the wrong people, with the wrong perspective on how to have a career? By completely disregarding my dreams and passions, did I set a timer on my career self-destruct mechanism? One thing is certain: I'm not being steered by fear at the moment. Once the bottom falls out, you can't afford to be afraid, risks and consequences be damned.

One of my friends, Mary Tyler Mom, (read her blog, it's outstanding, touching, human, tragic and triumphant) has a mantra that I've been using. It might seem simple or mawkish, but it makes a difference. It keeps me positive, and steers me toward productivity: Choose Hope. It's a simple reminder that my mindset is up to me. I can decide to see the harsh realities of the world I live in, or I can decide to see the potential to move forward and improve that world.

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I am the 9.1%: The Beginning

(Image Borrowed from www.thefrugalhome.com)

This Friday will mark week four of my unemployment. It will also be week four of active job searching and zero hours of paid work. This is significant in that it means I am officially contributing to the figure of national unemployment. I am the 9.1%.

I've never really lost a job before this. I got laid off from a temp job once, but that's not really the same; it was temporary in the first place, so I was expecting it to end. Interestingly, I've been fairly numb through this point. Maybe it's the fact that throughout the course of my professional life (the past decade), exploring the job market has been a cruel, cutthroat, harsh journey with no finite destination, so the idea that I'm fundamentally a commodity to be purchased or liquidated by my employer isn't foreign to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I fully expected the day to come when I was suddenly jobless, because it's just the way of the world anymore.

I say I've been numb to it, because overall that's been my average state of being when examining the situation. Sure, I've gone through the requisite stages of anger, frustration, terror, sadness, denial, malaise, but the overwhelming majority of my time has been spent prioritizing and compartmentalizing my life. I schedule each day into blocks of productivity. Wake up at quarter to seven, take my girlfriend's son to school. Two hours job hunting. Four hours painting my living room. One hour tending to household repairs neglected over the past seven years. Visit career counselor. One more hour job hunting. Read news. Read book. Repeat in no particular order daily, speckling in other duties as assigned. Not really too different from having a job.

Staying busy this way has kept me from slipping into my standard mode of obsessive and ultimately destructive analysis. Typically, when confronted with an unacceptable life situation, I review the situation time and time again in my thoughts, examining it from every angle, looking for a solution. Universally, the result is that I waste months or even years probing the situation, but not moving forward in any productive sort of solution. Eventually, a convenient escape will present itself and I'll pursue it whether or not it's an improvement.

That's exactly what led me to my current situation. My previous job had gotten stale in certain ways that were no longer acceptable to me. Professional advancement within the organization kept coming at the expense of my career goals. The system was pigeonholing me in a direction I was loathe to go, on top of a daily commute in excess of four hours total. I gradually became blind to the upsides of my position and overwhelmed by the drawbacks. For the year and a half prior to leaving, I spent 100% more time looking for a way out than I did on improving the job. Then one day in May, I found another job much closer to home, but doing the exact same kind of work I no longer wanted to do. And then in September, I got fired.

Was I ineffective and sloppy in my work? Did I choose a position I wasn't well suited to? Or was the position misrepresented to me during the interview process? For that matter, were my new employers incapable of communicating expectations or giving even the slightest ounce of direction? Perhaps in my new position I was working for a group of terminally disorganized people. To some degree, the response to each of these is, "yes." The one real, honest gripe I have is that there wasn't a single conversation about fixing whatever the issues may have been. Instead, I was given four and a half months with no feedback whatsoever and then I was let go.

Actually, it's completely inaccurate to say I only had one real, honest gripe. I was hired as a project manager. The most complicated project I was assigned during my four months was a power point presentation. Which I did without the slightest bit of verve, style or detail, but with plenty of kwality (yes, with a k). Because I have a bad attitude that if you assign me piddlyshits, I will return piddlyshits to you. I'm working on that attitude, for the record.

Interestingly enough, my unemployment and the Occupy Wall Street phenomenon have been virtually concurrent, and I've been following along. What I find most interesting is the way that people who are against these protestors are completely occupied by them. On Facebook, on Twitter, even Google+, every third item is some incredibly inflamed rant against them. Occupy Wall Street seems to have been far more successful as "Occupy Conservative Armchair Pundits." And of course, that's one of the goals of a social movement: get other people to talk about you. In that regard, bravo Occupy Wall Street. Now try to stop spitting on people and dropping deuces on police cars...it's not helping. Rise above, then rise against. That's how you get people like me to support you. I'll come right out and say it, too, that I'm pretty much in agreement with everything the Occupiers are angry about.

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