I am the 9.1%: Lemon Scones and Pendulums

Borrowed from
awarenesshomefunding.wordpress.com/

This morning, I sipped my coffee and munched on a lemon poppyseed scone while I surfed job listings. Just as I was beginning to notice that listings matching my search terms looked pretty slim, I also noticed that my mug was empty. Normally, this wouldn't be much of an issue, but I needed something to wash my mouthful of scone down. I refilled the mug, but two minutes later there was half a cup of coffee left, but no more scone...and what's the point of coffee without pastry? So I got another scone, but then ran out of coffee again and refilled the cup, and then I needed more scone...

It went on like that for a while, and I can tell you now that A) after seven cups of coffee, I can see through time, and B) scones and coffee coalesce into concrete inside your belly.

All week long, I've felt out of balance, the scone-coffee conundrum just one example. It's all related to the calendar. Last Friday was my one month unemploymentversary, which means that today is the end of the first week of my second month without a job. Knowledge of time passing takes its toll, and it gets harder to keep up the bold face and positive attitude that's fueled me this far. Faith that everything's going to work out for the best gets harder to maintain when every moment of every day is a reminder that there's money going out, but none (or, at least, not nearly enough) coming in.

Money worries are, for me, the spark that causes a firestorm of doubt, diffidence and panic. When I run into troubles paying bills, that stress eats away at me until I can't see silver linings on any clouds, money related or not. Luckily, I've been surviving with my meager savings, but I received two unexpected bills in the last week. By the math, I've figured out exactly how much shorter my survival without income will be as a result of these bills, and I don't like the new numbers.

In tandem, the weight of money worries and transitioning from weeks without a job to months without one are throwing my load out of balance. I'm starting to get critical of my methods in job hunting, my strict daily scheduling and routines. The impatient, emotional side of me is creeping out around the edges, and it's harder to contain outbursts of irritation and impulsive reactions.

For instance, in response to a contract position I applied to, which very closely matched my experience and desires in career direction, I received an email that said:

"While we do not have any positions at your level currently available, things can change at a moment's notice."

This isn't a first, but it increasingly gets under my skin. I applied for a position that I knew full well was below my previous level, but went to great lengths in the cover letter to explain my desire to redirect my career and willingness to move down the ladder a rung or two if necessary. Today, it almost made me snap, and I started drafting a response that, among other things, questioned the recruiter's literacy and suggested they may be in possession extra chromosomes. Fortunately, I never clicked "send," but it was a close call. Instead, I refilled my coffee and brewed more sconecrete.

Mentally, though, I started a downward spiral. What's going to happen? Where did I go wrong? How will I make it? What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST FIVE WEEKS??? Then something happened: the doorbell rang. It was a serviceman here to paint some of my siding that had been damaged in a storm. Watching him do his work triggered my mind into a replay of everything that I got done or contributed to getting done during this time:

1. Patched, sanded and painted my staircase walls
2. Patched, sanded and painted my living room walls
3. Rearranged my living room and prepared dining room for new furniture
4. Converted my workout room into an office
5. Rearranged my bedroom furniture and incorporated an entertainment station
6. Purged my closets, unused electronics, books, kitchen cabinets, liquor cabinet, bathrooms, and garage
7. Installed new carpeting
8. Tore up old carpeting in Gramma's new house
9. Moved Gramma into her new house
10. Moved Auntie C. into a nursing home
11. Cleaned and purged Auntie C.'s house
12. Written an entirely new 10 minutes of stand up comedy
13. Applied to 148 highly targeted, well matched positions
14. Interviewed for twelve positions
15. Established a daily blog of 800-1200 words

I started to relax, and the worries subsided. That's a pretty good month in terms of productivity, if nothing else. Comparably, that's more than I've accomplished professionally in the last nine months of employment combined. Likewise, that's more than I've accomplished in my personal life in the past two years. Which again brings me back to the concept of balance. Life is a pendulum that rarely rests. It's constantly swinging, shifting focus from career growth to personal growth. The best situation is to stabilize to a point where there's no swing, the optimum equilibrium point where personal and professional are progressing in unison. But until that can be achieved, learn to accept the swings and see the benefits. 

Five weeks ago, I lost my job. Today, I'm a better person for it. I've achieved great things and great perspectives in those five weeks. There's no reason for me to think I can't continue that trend into the next five weeks. 

The serviceman finished up his painting, and I sipped my last swig of coffee, washing down my last bite of scone. And as I took a deep breath and started to feel better, my phone rang and I scheduled another interview for next Tuesday.

Who says it's hard to stay positive?

I am the 9.1%: Avoiding Distraction

Borrowed from www.radiosurvivor.com

Right now, I'm looking at a stack of stamped, sealed envelopes stuffed with checks to cover gas, electricity, sewer and water, and garbage/recycling service. Last Saturday, the checks were signed, the envelopes sealed and stamps applied. Since then, they've sat exactly where they are now and I've glanced at them at least a dozen times and thought, "Hey, I've got to mail those!"

But I get distracted. A new email comes in, the phone rings, new job notifications arrive for my LinkedIn profile, iTunes plays a song I don't like, the cat pukes on the just-folded laundry, and the envelopes approach a state of permanent accessory. Gradually, the fourteen second task of running my bills out to the mailbox is indefinitely prolonged, late fees are automatically applied, a guttural laugh slowly erupts from deep in the once-occupied-by-a-heart-but-now-devoid-of-all-but-malice thorax of a sub-comptroller in the accounts receivable department at Nicor, the cat pukes on the new area rug, and I look at the envelopes and think, "Oh yeah, I've got to mail those!"

Distraction is a monster. Insidious and ever-present, it's the hardest enemy to escape. Even just sitting down to write this blog, I've allowed myself to be interrupted eight times. That's the crux in writing a blog: it's on the Internet, which happens to be the source of every major time suck in my life. I finally managed to click the "new post" button after responding to three Facebook messages, addressing two Facebook notifications, clicking on a Stella Artois ad and falling in a deep and profound love with Audrey and the 9 Step Pouring Ritual. I mean, gosh and golly, how lovely is her draught technique? And the accent...

What the hell was I talking about? Distraction! Right. You've got to fight it, and it takes every ounce of strength in your discipline thermos to do it. I'm so weak to distraction that the simple act of adding the links in the previous paragraph caused another twelve minute lapse in finishing this post. I'm sure this played into losing my job, as my productivity wasn't anywhere near my potential. Maintaining focus on the job at hand is difficult when that job is uninteresting or in conflict with expectations. Even in a job that's a good fit, it's easy to get distracted.

I personally like to think it's not Facebook or YouTube or iTunes or cat puke that's distracting. It's the work you don't want to deal with that's distracting. The negative emotions tied to paying bills or routing drafts for approvals or submitting daily reports to your supervisor are the distraction. That's why those other things own your focus in the moment.

How can distraction be eliminated? The best way I've found is to avoid the idea of multitasking. Historically, I've been a multitasking fiend; twenty different windows open, eight tabs in Chrome, carrying on a phone conversation while responding to an email. It's something I used to pride myself on. Multitasking, though, is just a sanctioned form of distraction. "I know we've got you working on X, Y, and Z right now, but please take a look at A, B, and C immediately. Then get back to X, Y, and Z. But not before we toss γ, λ, and β at you just for fun."  Lately, I'm coming around to the idea that results all around are better when every ounce of attention is focused on one project at a time, and short-term deadlines throughout the day are adhered to. This not only achieves better quality on each project, but also helps to set expectations for coworkers.

Multitasking, in my opinion, has become one of the worst evils unleashed on employees by the corporate model. There's an ideal posited by business culture that a productive employee needs to consistently juggle multiple projects, be available 24/7 via email and telephone, and have an accurate answer to any work-related question instantaneously. That's a model that leads to otherwise easily avoidable errors. It seeks quantity not quality and trades efficiency for mindless yield, and what's the point in that? The pressures created by that kind of atmosphere lead to self destruction and poor oversight. Under the strain to keep all those balls in the air, be available constantly, and be ready at a moment's notice to expound upon the details and status of each project, people will fail. What's more, in my experience, the business world isn't the least bit forgiving. Mistakes are not tolerated. Do one thousand things right, and no one notices. Screw one thing up, and everyone calls for your termination. What a horrific combination for a healthy society.

Distraction isn't limited to daily duties. It happens in a macro sense, too. It's easy to get distracted from long term goals by short term successes or failures. In the past month, I've reacquainted myself with goals I set for myself years ago but abandoned through attrition in the intervening time. Some simple, some complex, but all of which I've finally been able to clarify for myself. All this "how did I get here" and "what do I want out of life" evaluation stuff hasn't just been for shits and giggles, and it's revealed to me that I let myself get off the track almost as soon as I got on. At least I've been able to backtrack to a point that now makes sense as a new starting line, and I'm off and running. No more detours, no more diversions, no more distractions.

I am the 9.1%: Legacy and Dignity

Borrowed from www.admin.cam.ac.uk/

See previous post in this series: click here

My mother has an elderly aunt who was just moved into a nursing home. Dementia finally incapacitated her, and she could no longer live on her own. The only reason my mother is involved is because this particular aunt had no children, spent 60 years alienating herself from her family and friends, and quite literally had no one else.

This aunt (we'll call her Auntie C.) had been completely estranged from the family for nearly twenty years, mostly by her choice, but as her generation began to age and die off, my mother reached out to her from a sense of obligation. Starting in the mid-1990's, my mom would regularly take her dinner, take her out shopping and to the doctor, check in and make sure she was still breathing. Because there was no one else, my mom now holds power of attorney, and in this situation that means maintaining the estate and conscientiously dealing with health care decisions. And once the situation concludes, what remains of her aunt's estate all goes directly to distant relatives in Poland.

Power of attorney in a situation like this turns into a full time job. Earlier this year, my mom retired after 43 years of teaching. Instead of enjoying her retirement, now she must deal with this nonsense. In many ways, it's the proper epitaph for dear Auntie C. She's an unfortunate example of someone who lived a long life thriving off the miseries of others, a human engine powered by spite. Her goal at family functions was to systematically demean the achievements of everyone else in the room. There was no single unfortunate misunderstanding that led to her estrangement; past a certain point, let's say the fourth wedding she ruined, no one wanted her around and by all accounts she had no interest in being around.

Even recently, despite my mother's efforts to find any drop of sincerity left in Auntie C., she burned all of her family photos and her wedding dress in her fireplace because, "They're mine, and I can do what I want with them, and I don't want anyone having them." Photos and a wedding dress...things that have no value but sentiment, and she'd be damned if she'd allow anyone the chance to have any pleasant remembrances of her. By her own doing, we have someone who's purposely alienated everyone and everything she's ever known. Someone who's left a legacy of only anger and indignity. When she passes, not a single person will mourn. No one will be left with fond memories, no stories of Auntie C. will be passed down to new generations.

How terrifying is that to contemplate? After 94 years, she'll simply disappear. Her home will most likely be sold, demolished and redeveloped. All her artificial plants and artificial hair (she wore the same wig for as long as anyone cares to remember), untouched since 1954, will wind up in a dumpster. There will be no photos or mementos. Once the emotions about the situation pass through my mom, Auntie C. won't even be memory, as she'll be happily forgotten or filed away in the memories that never get accessed.

What the Hell does this have to do with my unemployment or career perspectives? Well, if nothing else, it's motivation to leave a mark, and not a dark one. Work towards things I believe in, and goals that improve myself, my family and the world that I touch. If 94 years of life can be so easily discarded, my short time on Earth is just as tenuous. I may not be able to control the outcomes of my choices, but I most certainly can control the intentions, and do my best to leave people better for having known me. Furthermore, I'd implore anyone else to do the same.

It just goes to show, even a long life is too short to forego passion. Working in a career you don't believe in, are indifferent to or disdainful of, just to earn is a sin that no one with an ounce of self respect should contemplate. Living for yourself, to line your pocketbook, to diversify your portfolio, will really only get you money. Living for happiness, for your family, for the people in your world and striving for ubiquitous quality in every aspect of your life will get you substance.

Can everyone work their dream job? No, of course not. Unfortunately, the world needs people to do unpleasant jobs. What anyone can do, though, is to treat their job with focus and positivity, never losing sight of the parts that are truly rewarding. Treat the people in your job and in your life with respect and care. You can achieve that which is most important: dignity.

I am the 9.1%: Quality is Job Fun

(Image borrowed from FerdyChristant.com)

See previous post in this series: click here
I'd like to thank Alltop.com for listing my blog in their careers section (it's waaaaay at the bottom). I've been getting good response to this, and that's a great feather in my cap on which to end the week.

It's a Saturday, the first Saturday of this series. Saturday is leisure time for me, a day that I don't spend time on job hunting or chasing whimsies or pursuing personal projects. There are people out there who'll insist that every moment of waking life be dedicated to momentum, and every step taken should get you closer to achieving your goals. I'm not one of those people.

While I'll agree that maintaining momentum is important, I insist that there must be time allotted for leisure, even when you're down on your luck. Fun is one of the most important figures in any equation resulting in success. If you spend too much time focused on your job hunt, you'll burn out. Once the supply of jobs listings is exhausted, the only thing left to focus on is the lack of jobs, and that's a killer. That eats up all your stores of positivity, and saps away from your feelings of inspiration. No good, DO NOT WANT! Instead, turn to your hobbies and your friends to refuel those stores and good vibes.

If you've been reading along with this series, you know by now that I go to great lengths to keep my days organized into blocks, and in so doing, assign myself deadlines to help keep things on task. It's my way of making sure that my time is spent working towards quality results. Cover letters I'm proud to submit, resumes that make sense, pages of screenplay that make me laugh, blog posts that are engaging and motivational to read (hopefully). I try to apply the same quest for quality to my leisure time.

Here are my rules for any leisure activity:

1. They must blur my focus. Whatever it is I'm doing has to pull me out of my head completely for the duration of the activity. It's got to be something that forces me out of whatever "zone" I'm in. Frisbee golf, regular golf, video games, reading a book or magazine (preferably fiction). Something that absorbs me completely. One of my favorites is tooling around in Illustrator. Some people love to play Black Ops. I love working through Illustrator tutorials. Don't judge.
2. They should be social. I spend more than enough time on my own, with only me for company, and I'm boring and irritating company after a few days. Human interaction with people I like is one of the most efficient activities for reinvigorating my well of inspiration and positivity. One hour fishing, riding bikes or playing Mario Kart with my girlfriend's son, watching a hockey game with my best friends or having dinner with my girlfriend is enough to top off my tanks for a good long time.
1. I feel like it's important to add a sub-topic to this bullet point. People can also be toxic. I'm very careful to quarantine myself from negativity and aggressiveness. There are lots of people out there who resent other people's success, have nothing positive to say or contribute, or only offer backhanded compliments. I used to be one of these people, until I recognized how destructive it was to me and all of the people in my life. It helps immeasurably to systematically identify these people in your life and limit your interaction with them. For me, the first step in getting away from those influences was limiting my time on Facebook and Twitter.
3. They should be new, different and enriching. As often as possible, I try to do or learn something I've never done before. Keeps me fresh and my mind sharp, and gets me out of my comfort zone. Inhibition stands in the way of success at every turn. Uninhibited pursuit of leisure leads to uninhibited ambition (at least in my mind). Learning to get out of your comfort zone during leisure time opens you up to new experiences in other areas of your life. This isn't to say that I never repeat things; I definitely have my favorite hobbies (Frisbee Golf, cycling...), and I do them as frequently as I can. But there was a point in time when I'd never done those things before, and had to discover how much fun they were. There's only one way to find your favorite things: try them, whether you think you'll like it or not. 

That's it. That's my recipe for fun. What I'm trying to achieve here is balance. Quality leisure in response to quality productivity. Best case scenario: a 50/50 split between that two. 

Most important though, is that the end goal of everything, leisure as well as productivity, is quality. Whether it's in a job application, an illustration, a freelance job or an evening out with friends. How do you measure quality? Simple: how good do you feel about it when you're done with it? Take the time to review at the end. If you're satisfied, you've achieved quality. If you put your mind and heart into your efforts to your fullest abilities, you've achieved quality. The key to applying this measure is honesty: you've got to be completely honest with yourself in your assessments, or else you'll get comfortable with laziness and deficiency. Keep your standards high, and don't allow yourself the latitude for disappointment.

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